This is dedicated to my cousin, who recently started healing form the abuse we shared in as children.
~I want you to know, that this isn't about comparing, or meant to hurt you or dredge up the past.
I just want you to know that I may never understand what its like to be you, or understand how you feel. I want you to know, that I get it. I understand how you might feel, and how it may be to be you. ~
I hate >child abuse for multiple reasons. It wrong, first of all. What kind of person needs to assert their dominance and establish and validate their existence their identity against a defenseless child? Against defenseless children?* You are not a man, or a women. You degrade yourself in the degradation of children that you inflict a horrible curse against. *
My mother, and her best friend, each had a daughter, and since they both felt as if they were sisters, their daughters became cousins. Both women had unfathomable issues. They were drug users. They had very bad choices in men. Both women were very young parents, and perhaps lack any trace of maternal instinct. It is in this >recipe that the two cousins had found a very dark fate, both nearly identical in the nature of the crimes committed against their fragile lives and bodies.
What came from those years of darkness, pain, and horrors? One girl gained comfort and healing through kind >foster parents and the discovery of biological family who were caring and loving. Although it took years, and although more trauma happened later and although it still pains and haunts her, CFL, became a positive and healthy young adult.
Mean while, the other girl, who felt just like that- a nameless barely visible "other girl" suffered more of a not-happy fate. She developed some problems that plagued her every day. She did not find a way to heal. She didn't find biological family that welcomed her.
I think that perhaps that is why she pushed CFL away. Two very different outcomes for two people who lived the same life for so long.
I know its a bit long, but I wanted her to hear it.
I am a strong believer in teaching kids living skills while they are young. Male or female. After all (and as I always say) I am raising an adult, not a child. Some ways to achieve skill building without the “feel” of chores are to play games, encourage contribution and a sense of belonging.
The first is my favorite tactic, and whenever I just don’t have the energy, the last two get a work out. Don’t get me wrong, the last two are just as important, but with a little consciousness, you can make them happen (and habitual too).
Depending on the work that needs to be done we race against the clock, or each other, or sing a “clean up song” to aid productivity. Though, at this point, my son who is eight years old, requires increasingly complicated games. Since he is a math wizard, (like my aunt was, other aunt, cousin, and my dad are) I give him a point system ba
So to the point of this blog:
Last night my son and I was cleaning up after the family dinner, which occurred right after work. I was very tired and not really into games.
Gabe says: “momma, you must be tired of these games”
and my reply of “why do you say that” yielded this little gem from him: “because you probably played this all your life. Did grandma play this with you?”
Me: “Ya, sometimes she would. I raised one of your uncles, and several of your cousins and played these games with them too”
Gabe: “So it’s a lot of work and a bit boring for you huh?”
Me: “Sometimes… where are you going with this?”
Gabe: “mom your tired you should relax. We don’t have to play anymore. Let daddy have the fun for once”
Needless to say, I had to laugh at this last part, but I responded with the best possible answer: “Oh, Gabe, that’s sweet. I wouldn’t want you to miss out.”
Gabe (a bit grumpy at this point): “Oh great, I guess I will my laundry too. Its so much fun”
Don’t think for a moment that I turned him down on that one.
Being a mom is fun, and if you are a parent, you have experienced the numerous gifts that come your way over the years. I am talking about the good ones, like Dandelions, Slobbered on bites of various bits of food, attempts at dish washing or floor mopping that go horribly wrong. Or perhaps that freshly brewed cup of coffee that- frankly- could float a horseshoe. All of those, unwanted- yet appreciated gifts.
But what about the ones you don't appreciate?
"Smart ass" comments
Well, no one said parenthood would be fun all of the time.... Even though my son gives me "ninja" kisses (the kind his friends can't see, that he gives because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings), crusty dishes, stinking shoes and the occasional skid mark to keep my life busy... I appreciate all of those little things he does that make me happy.
Or as he would put it: "Momma, how would ya know if it was good if I wasn't bad sometimes to remind you?"
Aw, another gift- he's intelligent.
Do you know that song? I think its called Gay Boyfriend.
I have one!!! Maybe a couple? I don't know. I have a lot of fun hanging out with one of my usual friends who hinted recently that he may be gay.
Then yesterday I met some one who I think I could be good friends with.
I don't really have "boyfriends" but I have friends who are gay, and "boy, friends".
Life is so funny, and sing songy today. So if you know the song, like I think some of you do... sing it today. Sing it for all the gay boyfriends and gay, boy, friends out there. And sing it for me, because, well.... you know you want to.... and I'M AWESOME!!! Duh!
For the last few months I have been living in a fog. Part of it was the weather, other parts included family life, lack of future goals and no desire to do my usual crafting.
Then something happened: it turned March. March for me brings warm sun and cool damp ground. Cold fingered tips, dirt under nails and wet knees. March brings excitement. It brings goals. It brings the love of nature and peace in my world.
November means birthdays, and the rush of the holidays. December means birthdays, the holidays and depression, anxiety and gloom. (usually because of the lack of money and the need of it) January usually brings renewal and a sense of future adventures. This one wasn't so nice.
Panic, fear, emotional and spiritual agony.
Then there's February. Which brought what January once threatened: death. I either knew or was connected some how, with four people who died that month.
Lots of sadness.
But March! March is different. It started with two birthdays, a birth, vacation plans, wealth, gardening, crafting and just plain happiness. I think perhaps the happiness is due to the fact that I get to travel and see my best friend, but overall things are coming together.
And that isn't all for March. My sister turns 5 and my brother turns 14. Not to mention two holidays and spring break.
Yes March holds lots of promises, and I intend to enjoy ever bit of it. Sunshine wash over me and remove the fogs of the past months and bring forth the warmth of spring.
My mood: a bit blissful
So I am a little hung over- but I didn't drink. I had a blast last night hanging out with three of my best buds. I have my "Favorite Mexican" who is "Mi Hermano"- like a brother to me; Blue- who is meek and funny and has toughened up since she started working at a hardware store and my "Gamer Girl" friend who is a goddess on every thing Mine Craft. She is quarky and and adorable. When you put us all together you get a group that can't stop laughing.
We pick on each other, and say some of the most cruel things, but we know its all out of love.
We have a saying: If we don't pick on you, we don't like you.
Its great to leave all of my responsibilities behind for a few hours and get "Dr. Pepper" drunk. Nothing like being totally hyper, trying to drink soda in between laughs.
Yeah... talk about an epic fail. I think we all had to blow our noses because we came close to jet streams shooting across the table.
I have never seen anything more beautiful than the ugly faces that my hubby, gamer girl, blue, and FM and I made laughing, suffocating, drooling and doubling over in the joyous pain that comes with uncontrollable, and nearly unprovoked laughter.
I stayed up until midnight, which is rare for me. This morning I woke up late, with a head ache and stiff as hell. It was all worth it.
Well I have been enjoying the spirit of fall. I love this time of the year because my crafty and creative side comes out (to show off, of coarse) and transforms this season from dreary to delicious.
On my list for this season:
1) My sons totally awesome Mine Craft birthday cake
2) Rendering his GIANT pumpkin down- by the way, just to get an idea of how giant this pumpkin is, 1/2 filled two 9x13's and one big soup pot. This alone is enough for about eight pumpkin pies.
3) Mushroom hunting- that will be going on and on, until the end of February, or later.
4) Pumpkin seeds and "pumpkin chips". (my own culinary invention, which sounds disgusting, but is so good, sweet and salty!)
5) Knitting hats, and making gifts for Christmas
7) Cowboy Chili! Ernest Borgnine's, Denver Pyle, Gene Autry and Charlie Daniels recipes are some of the many I want to try.
8) Mushroom recipes are always things I want to try.
Well so far that is what I have, but I know I will doing more, because I can't resist.
Two Ways to Render Pumpkin:
For either way you must cut the pumpkin into manageable pieces. Then you have to clean out the guts and seeds.. save these (water and salt them), I have a recipe for them.
Cut into chunks and boil until you can stick a fork into them
Places the pieces flesh-side down in a 13x9 or other baking dish, with two inches of water. Cover with foil and bake at 350 until soft.
Either way, let the pumpkin cool until you can handle it. Scrape the flesh from the rind and either mash it in a bowl with a potato masher, or put it into a blender.
Separate into zip block bags (I use frosting containers) and freeze until you need to use it.
PM me for the seeds, and pumpkin chip recipe if your interested.
What a line up for me this coming week, I am going to be incredibly busy. What can I say? I love to make people happy. I volunteered for this, and for that. I was asked about this, and about that, and I agree to this, and to that. One thing is for sure, I wont be bored. Can I get an emoticon in here? Top it off with motherhood, school work, work work, and of coarse, birthdays, travel plans... I am going to be tired. I am thinking I will spend the holidays sleeping it off. Don't feed me turkey or pumpkin pie. Don't look for me at the tree, hey I want to be in front of the TV watching Switched at Birth, and Nashville.
Jose, and Kraig with an K and I realized that we all forgot about our camping trip. For the last two years we have been planning for every one to go. Its too late now. Maybe we can all go to Sacramento, and camp at Days Inn? What do you say? Coming along? Let me know. The more the merrier.
First, I have to say, today I harvested the first batch of my oyster mushrooms.
They are amazing. Every time I walked by them, they were bigger than the last. I get so excited over my fungi. I check on them religiously and water them two times a day. The simple joy of watching some thing grow leaves me mesmerized by life.
I think I have finally found something that can help pull me out of my depressives states (when I get there).
Last night I was asked to write a column for the local newspaper. Its a one time thing (I think) and I am pretty excited. Though I have to have a rough draft done by tomorrow. I guess this means I better get off EP and get to writing.
I will post it when its published.
Ta Ta for now
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I found a smiley button. Well There are a lot of thoughts going through my head.
I won't be getting my AS as planned because my college no longer carries that program. However I will continue with my AA and graduate in the spring.
I guess this is a sign. I though if I got the AS I would eventually transfer to a four year. A friend of mine is doing the same. However none of the paths that it leads to seem to interest us.
Now I have to ask myself- What do I really want to do? I could go and get a job. (I will) Or I can look at career options. I want both. I am not sure though which career I want to get into and I know I am behind. I am only 24 but I know a lot of people that are way further on the path of life than I am.
Or did I just do it in a different order? Yes, that is true. I started adulthood at 16 with emancipation and more. Still, I feel like I should be more accomplished. I want to move to Oregon, to be closer to some very dear friends of mine. Maybe apply my skills, passion and knowledge to some social programs up there.
If I leave I have to give up my network that I am building down here. Then there is everything involved with moving....
It is so beautiful and peaceful here. I am looking out over a valley, with blues and greens and fresh air and perfection.
I still want to know if there is something more, or different or more suited to me out there, with out giving this up.
I love my best friend. She is a major geek. Every time I talk to her she amazes me with some sort of thing-that-only-computer-geeks-know. Although I know that she would say that's not entirely true.
It is when you are me, looking up to her.
Last week I was hanging out at the 'Nest- the hangout spot at the college. Some of my friends told me to raise my hands so I did. THEN I asked "What am I raising my hands for?" Some one said "if your a nerd".
"i'm a nerd? I have been trying to gain that title for awhile. What makes me a nerd now?" One of my friends said that this whole time every one considered me a nerd because I know a lot about one subject: mushrooms.
This morning a girl asked me to join the computer science club because she sees me on my computer all the time.
I am happy.
I am a nerd!!!
So I have a pair of American Eagles that I love. Since I am picking about how my feet feel in my shoes I hate shopping for them. My shoes need repairs. I don't want to shop. My solution? Well.... I have a can of Flex Seal. I sprayed a couple la
I should have sprinkled glitter on the flex seal so I can say I borrowed Flint Lockwood's Spray on Shoes.
I also so have some white flats that were looking not so white and very stained. So I used a bleach pen on the small cloth areas and I sprayed the rest of the shoes with a white latex paint.
Latex is flexible, water proof when it dries and you can easily wipe them with a damp rag.
Much easier than shoe shopping I'd say...
Previous PostsTwo people, Two paths, two way to heal., posted May 8th, 2013
Evidence it is working., posted April 19th, 2013
Stuff your kid gives you- that you don't really want., posted April 6th, 2013
La.. la la... La la la, posted April 5th, 2013
March wash away the fog., posted March 12th, 2013, 2 comments
Bam!, posted November 3rd, 2012
Ah, fall is here., posted November 2nd, 2012
Oh Gosh, posted October 20th, 2012
A column, posted October 2nd, 2012
Fans!, posted September 19th, 2012
....... thoughts......, posted September 18th, 2012, 4 comments
Honorary Nerd, posted September 17th, 2012
Quick and Creative, posted September 16th, 2012
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